A powerful message by an unknown author

THAT RUDE, BRATTY CHILD.

Everywhere you go there is that child that is being rude, running around, out of control, hitting out, throwing themselves on the floor, screaming.

You stand there wondering how a child gets like that.

Why don’t the parents have rules?

Why aren’t they stepping in?

What on earth are they like at home if they’re like that out?

You see the child not standing in line and pushing others, irritating them, not sitting nicely like the rest on the first day at school and you just hope that child doesn’t become friends with yours. Hope that you can avoid that child coming to parties, avoid them sitting by yours. That child with the unruly hair, shirt un tucked, mud on him already. You wonder what on Earth the parents are like.

I am that parent.

I sit there and see what you see.

I see it because I used to be like that.

I see your judgement, see your frown, and am torn between wanting a hole to swallow me, shame and anger at your judgement of my son.

You see, my son is perfect to me. Because there is so much more you DON’T see. So much more that I see.

I see my son hug another child and my heart swells knowing how hard that can be for him. I see him share and know how much of struggle he has overcome to that simple task. His mind works differently, uniquely. His world is just that. His. Letting others into that world is a huge hurdle for him.

You don’t see our rewards, our consequences, our routines. Yes we do have discipline. You don’t see me cry when the world looks at him differently. Cry when I see what you’re seeing. Cry because there is always the question of “is it me? Did I cause this?” You don’t see me wish he could be different, “better”, then cry more because I feel guilty for ever thinking that. Cry because actually, I never want him to change, I want the world to change.

You haven’t seen the battles we have had. The numerous phone calls from school because my son has thrown a chair, hidden under the table when overloaded with emotion, lashing out at others for being too near. The judgement on our parenting until someone professional sees what we see. The parents evening where we were told he wouldn’t hit the lowest level let alone be at the expected levels. The tears and tantrums and hours spent helping him after school to hit the preconceived targets of what a “normal” child should be, and then actually reaching where we were told he never would. The target society has deemed necessary as there is still an intolerance of anyone different.

You haven’t seen my son go to the hairdresser and spend ages trying to work out how the mechanics of the chair work. How the pistons turn on a train. Read up on the behaviors of a sloth and how many babies they have. Work out sums in his head and tell you the meaning of onomatopoeia complete with examples at 6 years old.

You haven’t seen the tears from “that devil child”, the “brat”. The gut wrenching sobs where he doesn’t understand why he does what he does. Heard him beg for answers as to why he acts as he does. You haven’t seen the hours of him being held by me because he doesn’t understand his body and mind. Seen him wishing to understand. Seen him cry because no one wants to play with him, or their mummy said they can’t talk to him.

My child may not be perfect to you. But he is to me.

I see how strong he is. I see how the smallest tasks others take for granted are overcome like mountains. I see how gentle he is to animals. How he asks ever so politely before stroking someones dog. Shushing them quietly thats it’s OK. I see him stroke his baby sisters hair to calm her. Tell her it’s OK, he’s here. I see his mind whiz at 100mph deciphering how something works.

I see his Autism and ADHD, not his “naughty behavior”. It’s not a label. It’s not visible. But it’s there. I see the amazing little boy behind it.

So next time you see that child, my child, think about the things you DON’T see.

Author not known

#keepyourjudgement #autism #differentabilities #labels #asd

A trip to the zoo and other fun things

The last couple of months has not been easy on us as a family.

So weekends like this are especially nice. Being able to meet up with friends and everyone enjoys themselves is great, parents that understand, where you don’t feel judged about your childs behaviour is important. On top of that if your children also have fun it’s a win win!

#friends #complexfamilies #theluckyfew #autism #zoolife #animals #zookeepers #zoo #iamable #beingyourself #tigers #penguins #family #wcat #lifewithsaoirse #siblings #photography #photos #makingmemories

Saoirse & her art

 

img_2140After posting about Saoirse and her artwork this week, I wasn’t prepared for how popular it would be. Not because I don’t believe her talent is any good. I do, I think her natural talent is amazing. I love her choice of colours and use of abstract, and intuition. So here is another piece of her work.

Back in the summer, Saoirse found one of the large art boards in the art & crafts area of the house.

Yes I love art & crafts…especially when I can allow the kids to be creative. So I always have a selection of crafts, paints, and all things arty available.

So Saoirse was left to her own devices and I was so blown away by her art work I had to take a photo of it.  She drew a picture of me “her mummy” and I love it.

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#art #freestyle #imagination #autism #love #artwork #becreative #inspire #proudmummy #wildwarrior #lifewithsaoirse

 

 

Special moments

img_2139Days out can be tough on us as a family. With Saoirse everything can change in a moment. Everything depends on her mood, the environment, and our ability as a family to keep everyone happy & safe.

Last summer a day out ended up with a call to 999. Why?  Saoirse had gone missing (it turns out on that occasion someone had tried to walk off with her) but that’s a story for another day. It wasn’t the only time where Saoirse has run off and gone missing. One sunny day a zoo was on lock down for 15 minutes trying to locate her. They found her in the reptile house completely unaware of the chaos and trauma she had caused me and the staff. You might be thinking how can a parent loose their child?

When that child is determined and has no real understanding of the dangers + doesn’t listen + small and fast = lost child 

So when we go out anywhere we plan it like a military exercise. We make sure we know our environment.

Is it safe, how many exits, any steep cliffs or water nearby, how noisy or child friendly will it be,  if we need a fast exit are we close enough to our car. Lastly, make mental note of what she is wearing or take photo of Saoirse on the day to show anyone looking for her if she does get lost. 

We had a tour booked since last month at the national headquarters for #rnli. It’s really worth a visit even if it’s just for the restaurant and views across the harbour. I had been the previous month and felt that it would be a good day out for our family.

Our days out can be dominated by the many moods of Saoirse. This doesn’t always go down well with her older brother Conor.

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Our day hadn’t got off to a good start. By 9am I was on the phone to the ambulance with a choking Ailbe. Thankfully he coughed up what ever the little monkey had managed to eat. With that drama over we were ready to go out.

Going out with all three children can be hard work at times. Not because we have naughty children (even if that’s what others might perceive from how they behave) but due to all of them having different needs. Like any family trying to keep 3 different aged children happy….it’s not easy! The kids really enjoyed the lifeboats. We all got to take a ride in their lifeboat simulator and they even let Conor & Saoirse steer the boat.

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The tour guide did an amazing job, she did look a little nervous that Conor was walking around with a clipboard and pencil !It turns out that was her first official tour.

After our little trip out we got to spend more time with Nanna Sandra. The kids love her. They get to do all sorts of fun things. Most of the time we don’t get any respite with the kids as we don’t have a support network close by.  So when we get to spend time with our friend it’s lovely on many levels. We realise that all three of our children together in the same room can be hard work. Due to all their different needs and risks we won’t/can’t leave them with anyone else.

It’s the little things that make the difference, creates those special moments.  Having someone out with us who loves and can manage our children. Just being able to distract one of them or chase after them so the other children can still enjoy an activity. It all means a lot. Probably more than Sandra realised. We all appreciate Sandra and the support she has given us time and time again. Even though she has her own life and family she has never made us feel like a burden.  

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The kids were all happy. Saoirse was in such a good mood when we got home she actually wanted to play hairdressers with me. Today was a win!

 

#rnli #homemade #lunch #familytime #wouldntchangeathing #happy #timewellspent #lifewithsaoirse #lifesaver #support #lovedones #happydays #daysout #familymatters #family #siblings #lifeboats #harbourviews #autism #wildwarrior